Incarcerated Loved Ones

There are many families that suffer from having a significant family member incarcerated. When I say "significant" I mean this person is the one that has an effect on each and every member. Their conviction basically changed the scope of the family's being. It's as if the life has been sucked out or the family is just waiting to exhale. It's a heartbreaking situation that changes the lives of everyone involved. A spouse left to raise their child alone and with no one to love. Devastated parent and grandparents. Siblings that become indifferent because of disappointment and the sense of abandonment. The family suffers many burdens such as getting through holidays and events that are not the same with the absence of the convicted loved one. Actually it's hell. I am the parent of a convicted felon and the damage that has been done to my family is insurmountable. My son is my parent's first grandchild and the love of their lives and they are just devastated. I am devastated and angry. His father could care less. His sisters are very disappointed and angry. His children are lost and their moms are indifferent. I have experienced all of these emotions and more. He's serving a 10 year prison sentence or no should I say "we" his family as well, although we are not physically imprisoned along with him, please trust that we are emotionally imprisoned. It's a journey(4 years) that in all aspects lead you into hell's inferno. Without the Love of Jesus and the faith my family has in the Lord...hell would have consumed us by now. I could sit here and try to find fault in Gangsta Rap and our legal system; but I am not. When it all has been said and done life for our youth (all races) has become war and this is why we have Gangsta Rap/Hip Hop being celebrated throughout our society. The anger, freedom, rawness and glamour of Hip Hop speaks to our children because it is truth. I know that I may get some heat for saying this but it's the truth. Our society is very double standard and hypocritical. We say this Country is the land of the "free" and the home of the brave. The rich get richer and the poor remain slaves. In order to make it in this country you must lie, cheat and steal after all this is how the rich have gotten their money. I use to tell my son that being honest would get you far in life and then he would hear me or others that meant something to him, tell what we called little white lies. We as adults try to pretend that we have everything in order; but we don't. Our Presidents can't even get it together.
All of them have lied, adulterated and one is famous for his past addictions to heroin and alcohol; yet he has killed more of our children than any battle to date. But it's not about the color of our skin? Why should it matter if a black man has never come this close to Presidency....but I digress. My son a beautiful and caring black man is now a "Convicted Felon". Everyday, I wonder what happened. It was so much going on during his teenage years. He went from being a carefree loving child to some distant and angry teenager. Now that I look back....I truly misunderstood my son and it's not one moment that he's locked behind those bars that I don't regret. I regret not truly listening and taking him in my arms and comforting him. All I did was warn him how easy it was for him to get in trouble...simply...because he was a black male. I was so consumed about what the white man could do to him that I was blind to the men that was poisoning his mind. Men that never aspired to be anything or was broken themselves at an early age. Point being our children are being lost to our madness. So my goal is to tell my story so that other parents don't lose their children to these streets. Be very aware because when you don't pay attention to your children cries it's a very good possibility their tears will become yours...when they become your "Incarcerated Loved Ones".

© 2008. Photo courtesy of Paedams Photography

Dedicated to the memory of
Deacon Oscar Manual (1927-2008)

Photo courtesy of Paedams Photography ©2008

''The race is not given to the swift nor the strong but to those who endureth to the end.'' Ecclesiastes 9:11

I want to discuss "Family". Webster defines "Family" as:
1. a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
2. All the members of a household under one roof.
3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry.

(My definition of "Family" is "Love"-"Unconditional Love".)

I am an only child and as a I grew up I longed to have brothers and sisters. After my brother died shortly after his birth my mother stopped having children and therefore I was alone. However, my mom had 13 siblings and every last one of them are nuts. My mom was what they called the black sheep of the family and she at times considers it to be a curse she should thank God for the Blessing. Her brothers and sisters fought about anything and everything. They say they love one another but I don't see it. They are constantly judging one another and if I didn't know any better I would say that they are descendants of "Judas". They are consistently betraying one another. My poor mom is so torn. She misses her sisters but by the way they treat her I know she is better off not having anything to do with them and as for her brothers (wow) words cannot begin to describe them. It's just that bad. However, I am not trying to go into my family burdens. The reason I want to discuss family is because I attended a funeral and I was disgusted with how the family didn't care about the man that laid in the casket. He was their father, step-father, grandfather, great grandfather and husband. This was a Christan man and yes he had his faults; but none to the degree that would make his family disrespect him in the manner they did. There was no grief or sorrow. Hell, I'm wondering why did they bother showing up. Especially his grandson he adored so much. He was the most disrespectful. He practically smiled during the entire service and at the cemetery while the Preacher was giving the last words before putting this poor man into the ground....The entire family talked and paid no attention to this man's last time on this earth. I was hurt and disgusted because I have personally known this man for many years and he loved his family especially his grandson. My point is why bother if this is how they felt. Therefore, Deacon Oscar Manual I dedicate this to you and know that I will remember you for the life you led good and bad. Most of all that you are child of God and did not deserve the way your family did not celebrate your life instead they discarded you as if you were yesterday's trash. God Bless You and as for the family of Deacon Manual "SHAME ON YOU".